Monday, May 02, 2005

What A Move

So I was at an ice cream shop this weekend and I found myself in an awkward, yet familiar position. I had to use the restroom so I made my way over to the men's room.It was your typical one person bathroom, but the kicker is that it had a door that opened out instead of in. If it opened in instead of out there would have been no problem. The difference is that if it opens out, then everybody that is outside can see in. But if it opens in, the door blocks the view of you peeing. Of course this whole thing would not be a big deal if the door was locked right? Well this is the reason that all of this happened. So I begin to pee and about a quarter of the tank through, I remember that I hadnt locked the door. I could just finish up and hope that nobody came in, but it was a risk that I usually am not willing to take. So what do you do? You know you cant stop once you've stings. If you are a pretty good aim, you have fairly good distance, and you are a good multitasker, there is a solution. The technique in prinicipal is fairly simple. You slowly walk backwards towards the door while increasing the distance of the stream. You move backwards, while continuing to urinate, lock the door, while never removing your eyes off of the target, then slowly walk back up to the orignal urination position to finish up. Just remember, if you are running low, this technique will not work as you need as much pressure as possible to hit the toilet from the peak of your backwards jaunt. Now the key here is to make sure that there are no obstructions in your path to the door. This should be done with a quick over-the-shoulder glance before you begin to move back. If this is not done and there is something in the way, your day will be ruined by the aftermath. Not only will you be lying on the floor of a public restroom, but you will more than likely fumble your grip and urinate all over the restroom and yourself. But if the move is executed correclty, you will save yourself the embarrasment of an entire restaraunt full of people glaring in at you urinating. Of course, there is also the risk that the door is opened as you are in the midst of the door lock maneuver, in which case you are set up for even more embarrasment than in the orignal case. If this does happen however, continue the move and dont lose your focus. So that is the basic rundown and strategy if you find yourself in a similar position. If anybody has done this before or has any suggestions or modifications, let me know.


Blogger Angie said...

Mike...I might have to pass half the crown back to you, b/c more than shocked, I am quite baffled at your rather lengthy description of “Urination and the many possibilities for an aim worthy cause.” I honestly don’t know where to begin on this one! 1st of all, you were at an ice cream shop, 2ndly you are crazy! I mean I’ve done my fair share or questionable things but this might surpass my experiences. Wow! Well, at least you’re talented, just don’t know if this qualifies as a skill you could put on your resume! PS: Did you run the water too while peeing? Wouldn’t want people to hear ya!

10:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Do you really put this much thought into stuff like this?

10:58 AM  
Blogger Mikey-D said...

Well I wouldnt put so much thought into stuff like this, but there was an incidence that involved me, a half gallon of water in my stomach, and a very frightened/amazed group of people at IHOP that triggered the creation of the technique.

11:14 AM  
Blogger Nick Danger said...

I purpose this liberating strategy. Throw out your chest just prior to entering the rest room and loudly announce “I am going to pee. Would anyone like to witness?” After a statement like that how can anything embarrass you? This “confront your demons” style also provides unlimited potential for meeting new and interesting people.

11:53 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

Matt, the scary thing is, Mike really does put that much thought into things like this, he's crazy.

12:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your text on the comments is too light to read.

On topic, the movie theater bathroom door in San Marcos opened in like it should, but you could still get a clear shot of probably the first 5 urinals when someone opened it.

12:42 PM  
Blogger 2CmyView said...

Wouldn't the world be an easier place if we could wear adult diapers and it be socially accepted. They could come in designer prints and even be low or mid rise.

2:51 PM  
Blogger :: m e l s p y :: said...

i think making it into the urinal is the most considerate thing to be concerned about here. our equipment differs, but the concept is similiar... put pee where it belongs. people look where they want to, if they WANT to watch you pee.. consider yourself a star... but don't make the world a smelly place. please. don't make the world a smelly place.

2:53 PM  
Blogger mattrose said...

I just dont close the door in the first place, 1 or 2. It makes for an awkward situation with the rest of the customers. Of course, creating awkward situations is what Im best at. My favorite move is when it is a cramped bathroom with one toilet I just follow the person in front of me in and then stand directly behind him waiting. If he asks me what Im doing I just say its too cold outside. I also do this with large bathrooms with a wide variety of urinals. If they ask me why I dont use another one I just say that this one is my favorite.

1:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

avoid peeing in japan... public restrooms frequently offer views of the urinal section of the men's bathroom from outside. also, public restrooms regularly have femal attendants that walk around cleaning while you are there peeing. and the winner... recently on a train to the airport, i noticed that the men's urinal-only bathroom (which fit one person) had a rather large tinted window which allowed passerbys to determine whether the bathroom was occupied -- no lock, but a nice view of your backside while you did your business if someone stopped to look. so spoodles, i think you're just going to have to hold it if you ever visit the land of the rising sun.

8:34 AM  

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