An Interesting Life

The Leasing Office

2005-05-31T06:46:00.000-07:00

I was sitting here looking at apartments on rent.com and I began to notice a common theme. At least 75% of the properties that had a post on rent.com had like 1 picture of an apartment and then 40 pictures of the leasing office. What the hell is wrong with these people. Dont get me wrong, a nice leasing office is nice, but I dont plan on moving in to it. If you are reading this and you work for an apatment management company and you happen to be the person that posts the pictures onto rent.com, throw me a freakin bone here and try posting some pictures of the actual living space. That would be great.

Saddam's Photo Shoot

2005-05-23T05:42:00.000-07:00

As I am sure all of you have heard or seen, there are some rather revealing photos of former Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein in the media. From what I understand, the pictures were first released by a tabloid magazine. Since they were revealed, the media has been eating it up as anyone would expect. Here is my beef though. The whole issue is whether or not it was appropriate or just for the tabloid to show these embarrasing pictures of Saddam. Then on every newscast and newspaper or magazine article that you see there is a huge picture of Saddam in his tighty whities. Seems to me that if you are going to write a story about the indecency of a photo that you should maybe not show the photo. Just seems like common sense to me. Then you have the whole question of where the photos came from. I am sure that this has all been uncovered, but I was just sitting here wondering how loaded the person is that took the original pics. I bet they got paid a boat load of money. Who would ever have thought that you could make so much money taking partially nude pictures of dirty, fat, Iraqi men. Do I see a new adult magazine on the horizon?

Too Much Electronic Music

2005-05-18T14:19:00.000-07:00

You know when you have been listening to too much electronic music when you hear a car alarm outside and then assume that it is just part of the song that is playing. I need to start listening to some new freakin music.

Located Near The What?

2005-05-15T14:25:00.000-07:00

So I was at a department store trying stuff on today and I needed to find a dressing room. I was tired of walking around aimlessly looking for one myself so I decided to ask someone. Now let's take a second here and analyze the situation. If I have no clue where the dressing room is, wouldn't that tell you that I am not very familiar with the layout of the store? I would think so. Apparently the woman that was giving me directions to the dressing room didn't think about that. Her response to my inquiry was: "The dressing room is located around the corner from men's loungewear, across from infant and toddler wear, and next to men's socks." Ummmmmmmmm.......ok. I thanked the woman and began on my journey before realizing that everything she had just told me did nothing more twist up my mental map of Dillards even more than it was before. So my original search was for the dressing room and now I am lost again and feeling weird about asking clerks where the infant and toddler section is. So after five laps around the men's section, three passes of the women's lingerie section, and two sweaty armpits later, I finally found the dressing room. Next time I think I will have the Dillards lady hold my hand and walk me there. Am I a tard or do people just give completely worthless directions in department stores?

What Is Wrong Here?

2005-05-13T05:51:00.000-07:00

I tried to be cool. I tried to be calm. I smile at the guy every time I see him. I patiently make the difficult turn into my parking spot every single day. I have hit the green awning support beam twice now and have still remained level-headed. But then this morning as I took every precaution to not hit the door of the mini cooper with my door as I sucked in my stomach so that I could fit into my truck, I realized that this is freakin ridiculous. This guy is driving one of the smallest cars on the market and yet cant seem to allow me just a little room to turn into my parking spot. So to have a little fun, I have decided to see what all I could fit into the irrationally large space that exists between his driver side and the support beam and then between my passenger side and the support beam.

What He Can Fit

What I Can Fit

My Hiatus And A Little Taste of What's To Come

2005-05-12T06:05:00.000-07:00

Sorry it has been a while since my last post, but I have been very busy working on a redesign for the site. I am just learning web design so it is taking a bit longer than expected. I just wanted to let all of my faithful readers know that Mike-D will be back soon and I have a ton of topics to talk about. To be more specific, about 25 topics have already been lined up and are ready for an absurd, analytical breakdown by yours truly. So check back in about a week or so and I will begin posting more of my antics. And just to tide you impatients over, here is a little rant:

What the hell is the deal with the toilet paper in public restrooms? They make it so freakin hard to tear off a nice, medium-sized piece. It always comes off like one square at a time. So after analyzing the problem, I have found that the problem is not the toilet paper, but it is the holder. Any time you have one of those big rolodex dispensers or the two-sided metal clasper, you are going to have issues because you dont get a smooth role like you do on the rodded toilet paper dispensers. My solution, assuming there is no loose roll that I can unroll by hand via my finger as the rotary device, is to unravel the toilet paper in the opposite direction that it should be pulled off. This releases all tension placed on the paper and elimiates all possibilty of tearing. Another technique is the double handed unravel. This method requires one hand placing a light tension on the loose end of the paper while the other hand manually spins the roll as if spinning a basketball on the tip of your finger. This method is not as full proof as the tight metal clasps may be too tight and cause a drag which will automatically rip the paper. This method will also not work very well with the rolodex dispenser as the paper is supposed to be torn by the serrated edges that are placed on the edge of the dipsenser. While reaching into the dispenser in order to manually unroll, the hand or arm can and will become shredded by this ridiculously sharp edge. And who the hell needs a serrated edge to break off toilet paper anyway. The only other method is to do the slow, one-handed unroll. This method is usually pretty successful, but it is very time consuming. Additonally, the amount of time it takes to pull out a perfect sized piece causes the frustration of a premature tear to be exponentially worse. There is nothing worse than saying to yourself, "oK, just one more square and I will be good to go....there we go....yes....slowly.....slowly....RIP....son of bitch!!!! Screw it. I just hope this is long enough.

Well, there it is. Over-analyzed....absoulutely. But as usual, completely true and you know that you have thought about it. So in conclusion, if you find yourself in a public restroom next to a guy in a stall that is cursing, banging the stall, and throwing shredded pieces of toilet paper all over the place, have a little sympathy and dont judge....you know you have been there.

Miami Heat Coach Moonlighting as Porn Star

2005-05-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

I thought Stan Van Gundy had quite the life when I just knew that he was coaching two of the best players in the NBA and living in one of the coolest cities in the U.S. Then while I was watching a late night movie last night I found out that Shaq isnt the only "big daddy" living in Miami. That's right.....I think I am on to something. Stan Van Gundy is a porn star baby. And supposedly he is some sort of veteran. Here are some pics for proof.

He Was A Wild Beast

2005-05-04T05:40:00.000-07:00

I had a dream last night about one of those esuvee beasts from TV so I decided to re-create the dream. He was a little crazy at first, but then I said "Eaaaasy, big fella" and he calmed enough for me to mount. Once I was on tight, the gates were released. He was a wild beast, but nothing that I couldnt handle. This a picture of the wild ride. And in case you were wondering, that really is me on there.

I Am Such A Whore

2005-05-04T05:25:00.000-07:00

As you all know, I recently acquired a cat from my sister and things have been going much better than the first week did. That was until this most recent incident. Here we go again. I happened to be at an apartment yesterday that contained one dog and one cat. If you know me, you know that I really like animals and I love to play with them, pet them, shave them, etc. So naturally, I spent a large amount of the time playing with and petting the dog and the cat. When it became time to leave for my next destination, I realized that I had not yet fed my cat its soft food for the day. Being the considerate pet owner that I am, I went way out of my way just to make my cat's day a little bit better by stopping by the apartment, feeding her, and petting her for a bit. But of course, things didn't go as planned. When I walked through the door of my apartment, Shelby came right up to me and began rubbing on my leg as she usually does. This was until she realized that I had been seeing other animals on the side. She took a step back, looked me in the eye, stepped back up, sniffed my leg again, and then walked away in disgust. She then proceeded to smell the backpack that I had with me, my shoes, and my clothes when I took them off to change. Upon smelling each item, I received a look of disgust. She looked at me as if I was a whore. Like "You mean to tell me that I am here all day by myself, no petting, no playing and then you run off with these other skeezer pets? What am I not good enough for you? Am I not furry enough? Am I not cuddly enough? Does that slut cat that you pet all night last night have a sleeker coat than me? Tell me....I want to know." If that cat could talk, that is exactly what it would tell me. It then proceeded to hide in the closet until I left. I just wanted to tell it that I made a special trip to come see her and to come give her some good food, but instead, I got caught in my own web of lies. I am a filthy,no good, cheating whore and Shelby knows it. Look away....I am a monster.

What A Move

2005-05-02T09:04:00.000-07:00

So I was at an ice cream shop this weekend and I found myself in an awkward, yet familiar position. I had to use the restroom so I made my way over to the men's room.It was your typical one person bathroom, but the kicker is that it had a door that opened out instead of in. If it opened in instead of out there would have been no problem. The difference is that if it opens out, then everybody that is outside can see in. But if it opens in, the door blocks the view of you peeing. Of course this whole thing would not be a big deal if the door was locked right? Well this is the reason that all of this happened. So I begin to pee and about a quarter of the tank through, I remember that I hadnt locked the door. I could just finish up and hope that nobody came in, but it was a risk that I usually am not willing to take. So what do you do? You know you cant stop once you've started....it stings. If you are a pretty good aim, you have fairly good distance, and you are a good multitasker, there is a solution. The technique in prinicipal is fairly simple. You slowly walk backwards towards the door while increasing the distance of the stream. You move backwards, while continuing to urinate, lock the door, while never removing your eyes off of the target, then slowly walk back up to the orignal urination position to finish up. Just remember, if you are running low, this technique will not work as you need as much pressure as possible to hit the toilet from the peak of your backwards jaunt. Now the key here is to make sure that there are no obstructions in your path to the door. This should be done with a quick over-the-shoulder glance before you begin to move back. If this is not done and there is something in the way, your day will be ruined by the aftermath. Not only will you be lying on the floor of a public restroom, but you will more than likely fumble your grip and urinate all over the restroom and yourself. But if the move is executed correclty, you will save yourself the embarrasment of an entire restaraunt full of people glaring in at you urinating. Of course, there is also the risk that the door is opened as you are in the midst of the door lock maneuver, in which case you are set up for even more embarrasment than in the orignal case. If this does happen however, continue the move and dont lose your focus. So that is the basic rundown and strategy if you find yourself in a similar position. If anybody has done this before or has any suggestions or modifications, let me know.

What An Ass

2005-04-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

Just a random rant. Have you ever talked to somebody or even just looked at them and known that there is like a 99.9% chance that they are a complete jack ass. I had one of those experiences this morning on the way to work. I was looking at the guy in the car next to me because he almost pulled out in front of me and hit me about 5 seconds before. I was looking at him and thinking, you know, this guy looks like the biggest prick in the world and I dont even know they guy, but I could sign and stamp a guarantee that said he was a certified prick. Then to top it off, I noticed that he had a wedding ring on. So then I am thinking, "Holy crap....somebody actually married this ass?" It really makes you wonder what is wrong with people. I mean this guy had a smug look on his face, he couldn't drive worth a crap, and he looked like he would be more content if he were the only person living on this planet. And then to think that somebody found all of this attractive? Wow.

Shaved The Cat

2005-04-27T06:20:00.000-07:00

As recommended by several friends, here is the cut that I gave my cat. It took a half can of ether to knock it out, but once I did, it was easy to give it this stylish trim. The cat looks unhappy in the picture, but it is actually thrilled with its new look. She was just a little groggy from the ether in the photo. I will have to get her spayed fairly soon though as all of the male cats in my apartment complex will be wanting to get with that.

*Disclaimer: This is not really my cat and I did not use ether on any animal.....yet.

My Pants Are Hairy

2005-04-26T06:15:00.000-07:00

Well I got a cat this past weekend and it has definitely been an interesting few days. The biggest headline to report is the massive amount of cat fur that is everywhere. I know cats shed and that this is the season for it and all, but this cat sheds more than you have ever seen. I dont know how that thing isnt bald yet. I mean with one stroke of my hand across its back I have more cat fur on my hand than most cats have on their entire body. Can you shave cats? I mean I guess you could have them professionally shaved, but I mean can I shave it myself? I figure that I would have to knock it out first because this cat already bites a lot and that is when I am trying to be nice to it. There is no telling what sort of injuries I would sustain if I tried to shave it while it was conscious. You may all think that I am kidding about this, but after this morning I am dead serious. I put on my favorite pair of black,wool dress pants this morning and by the time I left the house it appeared that I had on a pair of white, wool dress pants. I was completely covered in fur. So I took the lent brush out to the car with me, but with the amount of hair I had on my pants, it was like peeing into the wind...pointless. So I decided that from now on I will get ready in my underwear in the mornings and then just before I slip out the door, I will race against the cat to get my pants on and be out the door before it can shed its entire coat onto my pant legs. The only other real option is to wear some sort of protective sleeve over my pant legs to prevent cat to pant leg contact. So things couldnt get any worse right??? Wrong. As I was running late this morning I only had time for a bagel. And what do stubborn, cat hair covered people put on their bagels? Well honey of course. The stickiest substance that can be found in my kitchen. So the next thing you know I have honey all over my hands while I am driving down the road, I am trying to rub cat fur off of my pants, and now I have fur stuck to the honey all over my hands. I feel like I have been tarred and feathered. I have been honeyed and furred. If anybody would like to volunteer some time this weekend, I am taking applications for cat restrainers and cat bite medics, as I will be shaving the cat. In conclusion, I would like to personally thank my sister for passing this cat along to me and I hope you had just as good of a morning as I did.

Big Man With A Little Bag

2005-04-25T05:37:00.000-07:00

Some things in life just make no sense. As I was walking into work this morning, there was a fairly large man walking in front of me. I would say that he was probably about 6'4 and about 270 or 280. You would think that a man of this size could carry a 5 pound briefcase wouldnt you? Well wrong! He had to have one of those little briefcases with the wheels on it. I mean maybe if you were a midget or something could I see the need for pulling around your briefcase, but come on man. Plus, those things are more hassle to pull than to carry anyway. You hit one little rock with the wheel and the the thing falls right over. Plus, this freak size guy had to like bend down just to reach the handle. Come on man, get rid of your little pansy wheel bag and start carrying a briefcase. What a tool.

Ms. Wheelchair Stripped of Title for Standing Up

2005-04-21T08:45:00.000-07:00

So here is how it went down. This young woman with muscular dystrophy wins the Ms. Wheelchair title, but then has her title revoked when the Miss Wheelchair America Organization found pictures of the woman standing up while teaching her class. It turns out that the woman only uses her wheelchair sometimes and therefore doesnt fit the requirements of the pageant that say: "(the contestant must) mostly be seen in public using their wheel chairs or scooters." In a conversation with a member of the national board, the woman said she was told she could enter future pageants when she is more qualified for the title. I guess she will just have to put in some extra scooter time to qualify for next years event. So by their requirements, does this mean that if I use a scooter for my mode of daily transportation that I could enter the contest? Because if so, I am so gonna kick some scooter pageant ass. Backup bitches, there is a new scooter in town and it is going to run you all of the runway. I would have to say that my game clinching event is the swimsuit event. Scooter forward,wheely,accelerate,power brake, stare down the judges, sharon stone leg cross, scooter spin, scooter reverse, kiss to the crowd, game bitches.

Story

Come On Girl....It Is Just My Chocolate Pudding Pop

2005-04-20T14:21:00.000-07:00

Bill Cosby and his sexual assault issues

I Was Just Visually Assaulted

2005-04-20T09:19:00.000-07:00

I met this cute girl a little while back and decided that we should go out on a date. Being new to Dallas, I decided that it would be a good idea to ask a friend for some advice on choosing a good place to go. He reccommended a little gelato cafe in uptown Dallas. He told me that they served really good sandwhiches and that they brought your food out to you in lunch boxes. Sounded cool to me. So I immediately scheduled the date and began to look for directions online. The results from my Google search should have been my first indicator about the type of establishment that this cafe was. Like 5 of the top 10 results had the words "gay" and "hotspot" in them. Not only was the cafe ridiculously gay, but so was the entire street that it was on. I have never seen so many gay men in one place in my entire life. To make things worse, my date was late. To make things even worse than that, it was a date, so I naturally looked pretty good in my attire. Talk about a recipe for disaster. I have never felt so abused in my life. Every man and his boyfriend thought I was one fine piece. I was getting stares from every direction. Mouths were dropping, heads were turning, and I could feel my clothes being removed by all of their eyes. After telling my date to hurry up over the phone, I decided to get out of the neighborhood until she got there. I made a straight shot to the nearest Walgreens and chilled around the parking lot until she got there at which time I ventured back into the danger zone. Granted, the food was pretty good and the cafe was neat, but I have to say I felt pretty freakin used up by the time the night was over. Dont get me wrong, I dont blame anybody for checkin out this fine piece, but I have to draw the line somewhere. Needless to say, my buddy got an earful the next day at work. Not really a bitching out, more of an exclamated recap of the prior evening's events. Well, all in all, it provided for a great story and my date seemed to think it was hilarious. I also think that she thought I was gay, but shoot, I would have thought the same thing. Anyway, I am healed from the visual assault that took place that night and next time I go asking for advice on date locales, I think I will ask around a little more.

Pimp My Shopping Cart

2005-04-20T06:57:00.000-07:00

Pimp My Shopping Cart
Originally uploaded by mccloskeymd.

Just when I thought I had seen the most ridiculous use of money for the homeless(the LA homeless shelter), I read this article and was even more amazed. This is the coolest idea ever!!! The "pimped" shopping cart was given out to "Ja" the homeless man a few days ago as part of a giveaway on a radio station. The $3000 cart featrues a LCD screen, GPS tracking, a mini fridge, 10" wheels, a slide out seat, an alarm with strobe lights, 81 neon and LED lights, a tent, solar powered battery charging system, and the coolest part......an automatic can crusher. As weird as it sounds, I am a little jealous. This thing is freakin sweet. Would the homeless man been a little better off with $3000? Probably, but then he wouldnt be pimpin all of the bag ladies like a true street player does it. Word. Your cart has officially been pimped!

Story

I Should Teach You a Lesson

2005-04-19T13:51:00.000-07:00

Have you ever seen somebody do something so stupid that you just wanted to teach them a lesson? Today at Starbucks, I was sitting oustide when this woman came speeding up to the curb, slammed her car into park, left the engine running, door open, and infant child in the back seat. She then ran inside to get napkins or something. She was in there for a good 2 minutes. Are you really in that big of a hurry? I mean what if Angie and I had been players in the human trafficking game? We would have scored an infant child and a 2002 Nissan Maxima all in one swoop. I wanted to show this lady a lesson, but I think I could get into a little trouble for stealing a child and a car. A little trouble like 5-10 in the slammer where I might have something stolen from my backseat. But it might have been worth it to see the look on that lady's face when she came back out. You can never be in so much of a hurry that it is alright to leave your baby in a running, unlocked vehicle. Maybe next time you see me, I will have an "adopted" child and a new car. Who knows.

For L.A. homeless: a gym, movies, and hair salon

2005-04-18T09:17:00.000-07:00

A little decadent for a homeless shelter? Probably so, but what else would you expect from LA. With their fancy cars, big houses, and now pimp ass homeless shelters. This place is sweet. It has a a gym, movies, a library, hair salon, and even play facilities for children. Despite the arguments presented in the article, I think that this a great facility and a great way to get the homeless off of the streets. I mean if I was homeless, I would be hitting this place up like nobodies business. And along with getting the homeless to the shelters, comes more hope for curing the high rates of mental disability that is so rampant among the homeless population. And along with a more mentally stable homeless population comes more opportunity for work and all around life change. Now if the city of LA can just couple this nive new facility with some affordable housing, then we might be on to something.
Story:

Bastrop Satellite Image

2005-04-17T14:59:00.000-07:00

Bastrop Satellite Image
Originally uploaded by mccloskeymd.

Click on the picture and then hover over it from within flickr to view information about the different landmarks.

Group Project Flashbacks

2005-04-16T10:40:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here at Starbucks trying to get some work done, but all I can do is listen to the arguing graduate school group sitting across from me. It is bringing so many memories back from my group projects back at UT. It is also really putting a bad taste in my mouth about going back to school to get my masters. So let's break down the four players in this group so that you can see exactly what is going on here.

Player No. 1: We have the typical older man of the group. While 3 of the group members are right around 27 or 28, this guy is about 40. He is older than most of the group, but he is also probably the most leve-headed member. He has good input and keeps his emotions in check.

Player No. 2: You have got your typical slacker in the group. To start, he decided that it would be a good idea to bring his infant child with him to the group meeting. The group has steadily gotten louder in order to be heard over the whining of the grumpy child. This member is also the one that thinks that the project is already good and doesnt think that it needs any more work. When the group gets into any serious talks about what should be done, he completely zones out or gets up to use the restroom again. Despite his laziness, he is my favorite of the group because he just let the jerk of the group have it. He called him uptight and negative. It was great.

Player No. 3: This guy is your typical middle-of-the-road group member. He has good input, he pays attention, and he pipes up when he doesnt agree, but in an acceptable manner. When the other members dont agree with one of his opinions, he silently nods out as he knows that he has been outvoted and doesn't take offense. He is a good member of the group.

Player No. 4: Now to the jerk off of the group. I really want to get up and punch this guy in the face. He is the facilitator of the group, but he is a complete ass about it. He loves voicing his opinion, but has no patience when anyone else wants to speak. He doesnt pay attention when others talk and if he happens to hear something that he disagrees with, he gets this look on his face like he is absolutley disgusted with mankind and that his opinions are the only ones on earth that make any sense. Do you think that I would get in trouble if I backhanded him right here, right now. How cool would that be. I bet all of his group members would give me high fives and then join me in kicking his ass. I love daydreaming:)

So there we have it. I have gotten none of my personal work done today, but I have had some rather horrific flashbacks from some of my similar group projest experiences as well as been turned off quite a bit from grad school. But hey, it made for a good story for the rest of yall.

Yellow Chaos

2005-04-11T07:34:00.000-07:00

Yellow Chaos
Originally uploaded by mccloskeymd.

My first painting

Just Be Patient

2005-04-11T05:46:00.000-07:00

Traffic on the way to work sucked this morning. But do you know what is worse than traffic? How about when you get frustrated with the traffic and decide that taking the shortcut through the Walgreen's parking lot will be faster than being patient and waiting for the light to turn green only to get stuck trying to cross the road for like 10 minutes. That isnt even the bad part. The worst part of the entire situation is when all of the people that you were in line with at the light saw you get pissed and swerve over to the parking lot to take the shortcut. Then as you try to cross the road, the light that you were originally waiting for has already turned green and they end driving by and looking at you like you are some kind of an idiot. You can almost hear the thoughts that are going through their heads: "Yeah look at you. If you just had some patience you would be on your way just like the rest of us. But instead, you are going to have to sit there and wait like the impatient jack ass that you are." I know I am an idiot sometimes, but I really could live without the unapproving looks from all of you evil, mini-van driving, more patient than me people.

Look....No Hands

2005-04-08T12:53:00.000-07:00

Like any clean-freak, I insist on washing my hands after using the restroom. Yes, it is a hassle and sometimes I am in a hurry, but if I am going to be touching parts of the body that rid me of waste, then the hands need to cleaned. The problem that I am now having is that I drink a butt load of water and coffe all day at work. So now I must pee about 10 times a day. No exaggeration. That means I must wash my hands that many times a day as well. Well, I just dont have time for this. So to conquer this problem, I have now perfected the art of handless urination. I pee and shake just like everyone else, but now I can do it without having to wash my hands afterwards. A perfect plan right??? Not really. Despite having an average of 7 minutes back in my life from not having to wash 10 times a day, I have been receiving some pretty dirty looks from people that dont know about my perfection of the hands-free urination technique. They look at me and I can hear what they are saying in their head: "Did you just touch your dirty $%*#*@ and then go lift weights with those same hands?" I know this because this is what I think about people that really do need to wash their hands and don't. But I dont need to wash my hands...I dont deserve to be treated this way. I just want to tell them about my time saving technique, but I fear even worse looks after explaining. The only solution I have found is to just run water over my hands after I am done if there are people around while I pee. That way, I still save time, but I dont gross anybody out at the same time. I wish I didnt have to do this, but I will sacrifice a little for other's peice of mind. So if you see me at the urinal, and then proceed directly back to my office after I am done, just know that you dont have to worry about shaking my hand. It is just as clean as the next hand.

Mirrors Are Overrated

2005-04-05T07:50:00.000-07:00

I only cut my hair every three weeks or so. That is all I really have time for. Actually, that is a lie. Let's restate that. I cut my hair every three weeks or so because I would much rather go home and watch Friends after work than get my haircut. OK, back to the point. In three weeks, the length of the hair on my head is very manageable. The hair on my neck is a whole other animal. And I do mean animal. In case you didn't know, the hair on your neck is the fastest growing hair on the human body. Yes, even more so than that wily back hair of yours Billy. So this morning I decided I would lengthen the amount of time between haircuts by cutting the hair on my neck using a razor and a hand mirror. Man was that a mistake. I have never felt so uncoordinated in my entire life. Trying to shave your own neck while everything is all flipped around in the mirror is like trying to pee in the dark. No matter how much you concentrate on hitting the target, you always misfire. I couldnt even turn the razor in the direction that I wanted. Wait, is right left or is left right. Wait, which side of my head is this. Oh crap, I just plugged myself(plug: to shave a small portion of hair unintenionally). You kow when you go to get your haircut and they ask you if you want it squared or rounded in the back. Well I just added a new option. I think the new diagonal plug cut is really going to come into style. Next time, I think I will just take the 20 minutes and get my damn haircut.

Man....I Smell Like A Woman

2005-04-04T07:50:00.000-07:00

I need some feedback on a situation that I am sure all of guys have found yourselves in. While staying at the home/apt. of a woman(sister, girlfriend, whomever it may be) in which a male does not live, what is the rule on using feminine soap and/or shampoo? I am pretty hygienic and I like to carry quite a few toiletries when I travel, but bringing my own soap and shampoo is a little much typically. But over the weekend, I realized that sometimes the places I stay only offer a scented soap or shampoo that tends to make me smell like a woman. So you ask yourself: Should I smell like a woman or should I skip the soap and shampoo? Being the clean person I am, I usually opt to smell ike a woman. As of late though, I have begun to question this move. Especially after a weekend of smelling like a meadow blossom. Not only that, but the only way to apply the soap was via a purple loofah. I dont know about you, but I feel a little fruity(no pun intended...the loofah comes from a fruit...ha)doing this. So maybe the rule should be that you can use the scented soap or shampoo if it is an extended stay(more than one night or use of the shower), but if it is just a one night deal, then you should avoid the scent and skip the wash. I mean how much cleaner are you when you use soap as opposed to letting the water clean you off. It cant be that big of a deal right? Let me know your thoughts guys and gals.

The downside to using a biometric car lock

2005-04-04T07:08:00.000-07:00

I feel really bad for this guy, but at the same time it is kinda funny. I mean do you really need a freakin biometric car lock. Come on dude....just use a keyless remote like all of the rest of us. Now that you are a finger short Mr. K Kumaran, why dont you try the new eye scanning door opener. That sounds like a great idea as well...right?
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Venizia

2005-04-03T19:28:00.000-07:00

Venice, Italy
Originally uploaded by mmote.

Well, Mason finally got his pictures of our trip to Europe developed. It only took him about 1 year and 9 months. Not bad. Well it was worth the wait. His pictures are very good. The lighting is a little lacking in the few photographs that I have seen, but they give the photos a very real, realistic look. It seems to capture something that my pictures didnt. It also brings back a lot of memories. Although Venice was completely overrun by tourists, unexpectedly hot, incredibly confusing to navigate, and customs there seems to think that electric razors are handguns, I had a great time there.

You Know You Live In Texas When......

2005-04-01T11:10:00.000-08:00

So this little story is not only a testament to my stupidity, but also to the unique nature of "folks" in Texas. The last time I was in Austin, I was driving to my sister's house on north Mopac. It was pouring down rain and there was some sort of accident on the freeway. Traffic was at a dead stop. Being the impatient person that I am, I decided that it would be a good idea to bust a u-turn and go back south on Mopac. Well....that didnt work so well. In case you ever decide to make a u-turn through a muddy median in a 2 wheel drive truck, you might want to make sure that you have an alternate form of transportation for the remainder of your trip. Or if not, you might get lucky and meet the coolest, most Texan woman alive.....just as I did. So here is the scene: My truck is stuck perpendicular to Mopac in a muddy median, all traffic is stopped (which means that people are just sitting there staring at me), I am slamming my steering wheel with my hands because I really didnt need my daily reminder of my stupidity to occur in this form, and I have no idea what I am going to do. Then, out of nowhere, the "woman in the white truck" appears. This tiny woman hops out of this huge diesel truck , wearing boots, some tight white wranglers, makeup, a pretty slick vest, and the whole rest of the fancy Texas getup that you are imagining. She asks if I need any help and before I can even respond, she has this huge, rusty chain attached to my truck as she quickly, but professionally pulls my truck out of the median. She wipes her rusty, muddy hands on her pants, wishes me a good day and then continues on her way. WOW!!! I wanted to help, but before I could even blink, she had yanked me out. This would only happen in Texas. I cant think of anywhere else in the states, maybe even the world, where a woman like this would be your rescuer from a self created, median sink hole. Cool, country, cowboy ladies kick ass!!!

Silent rave with wireless headphones

2005-03-30T07:16:00.000-08:00

As a former "dance music afficianado", it sure is nice to see someone finally coming up with a solution for the governments' deceptive attemspts to kill dance music. Since about 2000, the governement has been working with authorities to stop all dance music festivals(aka Raves). However, since they cant shut down a show because of dance music's historic ties to drug use, they must come up with bull shit excuses to shut down the events. In the case of UK's Glastonbury Festival, the alleged reason is noise. Well isnt that a load of crap. I can understand that the government wants to stop/slow down drug use, but this is not the way to do it. I mean why do they have to pick on dance music? It isnt like there are a bunch of church-going virgins attending rock concerts. At your average Ozzfest, I would guess that at least 35% of the attendance is on some sort of drug. My point is that stopping dance music events isnt going to stop drug use. All it is going to do is move it to another venue. So do us dance music lovers a favor and re-align your attempts at stopping drug use. And Glastonbury, you guys are awesome!!!

Link

I am Rick James, Bitch!

2005-03-30T07:06:00.000-08:00

I am sure that you have seen these, but I found them online the other day and thought that they were definitely worth seeing 4 or 5 more times. Just right click on them and "Save As".

Get The Videos Here

Octopuses running like humans?

2005-03-29T07:08:00.000-08:00

This really freaks me out for some reason. Watch the video. | CNET News.com

It's Gonna Be A Good Day

2005-03-29T06:26:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have one of those mornings where you just know that it is going to be a good day? As rare as they are, I actually had one today. I actually got up early for once. I made myself a good breakfast with eggs,ham, and a bagel. The bagel is actually what triggered the idea for this entry. If I had just been making breakfast it would have been any other day. But the difference today was that just as I was scooping my eggs onto my plate, the bagel popped out of the toaster. Now to some, this might not mean anything. To me, it means that I can actually eat all of my food at once instead of being interrupted. Usually, the bagel comes out too early and by the time that I eat it with my meal, it is cold...or it comes out too early and I have to get back up after I have already started eating to go get it. So the bagel's timing this morning couldnt have been better. Then, to top things off, I gathered my dining materials and convened in the living room just as the Sports Center intro was playing. I hate it when I get all of my food ready, I sit down to watch TV, and it is like 6:57. Now I am going to be stuck watching like 5 minutes of commercials before I even get to any real content. That really annoys me. But not today!!!! So let me get this straight: I have a full plate of eggs and ham, a perfectly toasted, warm bagel, an ice cold glass of milk, thiry minutes before I have to leave for work, and Sports Center is just starting. I have a good feeling about today. We will see if there is any correlation between the smoothness of morning preparation and daily goodness.

Collisions With Trains

2005-03-26T11:03:00.000-08:00

"Collisions of trains with roadway vehicles - and the fatalities they cause - have declined steadily over the past decade, yet still, someone in America is hit by a train every 115 minutes, often with catastrophic results. A motorist is 30 times more likely to be killed in a collision with a train than with another motor vehicle. Most of these crashes happen at the nation's 280,000 roadway-railway crossings."

Am I the only one that finds it strange that not all collisions between cars and trains occur at roadway-railway crossings. Where the hell else could they happen? I guess a train could hop off the track, travel down the highway, and strike a vehicle. Other than that, does anybody have any ideas? As you can see, my focus is definitely not on the right things as I am taking my defensive driving course. HA!

Online Defensive Driving

2005-03-26T09:45:00.000-08:00

Well here I am at Starbucks taking my online defensive driving course. While this is not exactly exciting, I have learned some pretty interesting things. Most notable: old people cant drive worth a crap. While people over the age of 65 only make up about 10% of the driving poplulation, they are the cause of roughly 13% of traffic deaths and 17% of pedestrian deaths. That is plain scary. As I read these types of statistics, my first reaction is to tell old people to stay off of the roads. However, as I think about it more, I realize that when I am 65, there is no doubt that I will be on the road. There is no stopping old folks from driving so maybe there should be a focus on an alternative method of decreasing the driving related fatalities caused by geezers on the road. Maybe some sort of mandate on the size of the vehicles driven by folks over 65. The way I figure it, the ratio of fatalities to accidents when talking about the older drivers is so high because the percentage of old folks driving big old clunker cars is so high. It seems pretty obvious to me that if we can put old folks in some little geo metros or something that the fatalities would significantly decrease. Sure the chance of death goes up for the person(s) in the geo, but the chance of death would be significantly decreased for all others involved. Just a thought. Although when I am 65, I am going to be driving the biggest hunk of metal that I can find and I am going to be taking out all of those jack ass, tailgating, no driving honkies that annoy me on a daily basis. Sorry if I add to the bad statistics, but somebody has got to do it.

A Good Online Experience

2005-03-25T12:45:00.000-08:00

As a follow up to my post about having ahard time with AOL, I just had a wonderful online experience and thought that I would share. I got a magazine subscription from this company and they accidentally billed me twice. I noticed the double charge on my account, called the company, and within 10 seconds the representative had apologized for the charge and issued a credit to my account. Now that is how customer service is supposed to work. And as a reward for all my faithful readers, I have attached a link to the website where they have an incredible deal on a maxim/stuff/blender subscription. I got those three mags and GQ for $14. Pretty sweet!!!

Magazine Deal

AOL Sucks The Big One

2005-03-25T08:30:00.000-08:00

So I tried one of those stupid schemes where you are supposed to sign up for two offers and then you get a free gift card or iPod or whatever. Yeah...it doesnt work. Not only that, but I learned that cancelling AOL is a big pain in the ace. AOL was one of the things that I signed up for because I figured that it would be nice and simple to cancel my plan if I needed to. Boy was that wrong. First off, is it just me or do companies make cancelling accounts excruciatingly difficult. I am sure that they do this on purpose, but it sure as hell doesnt make it right. I mean why the hell do I have to call and talk to a customer service rep to cancel my freakin account. I will tell you why. It is because AOL employs people that love to harrass the hell out of you over the phone. All I wanted to do was cancel my account. Nice and simple. Well not according to Billy the phone operator.

Billy: Well sir, what can we do to keep with you AOL today?

Me: Nothing. I just want to cancel.

Billy: Can I ask why sir?

Me: I just want to cancel!!!

Billy: Well how about we continue your 2 week trial and then if you decide to cancel you can call back.

Me: NOOOOO!!!!! I want to cancel now so that I dont have to deal with the hassle of remembering again in two weeks and then getting billed.

Billy: Well we here at AOL dont cause a hassle for you. How do you feel that we are causing a hassle? We will send an email reminder and the a simple phone call and you will be cancelled.

Me: No...This is the hassle I am talking about you blabbering jack ass. Cancel my damn account right now!!!!!!

Billy: Ok sir....your account has now been cancelled...thank you for choosing AOL. I hope you have a wonderful day now that I have thoroughly pissed you off at me and my piece of crap company.

Me: I HATE YOU BILLY!!!!

I will never try to get anything free ever again!!!!!!!!!

Man Grows Penis on His Arm

2005-03-23T06:25:00.000-08:00

So the article says that this guy had his penis removed, then attached to his forearm where it grew an extra four inches, and then re-attached to his groin. The operation was said to have taken 11 hours, but how long did this guy have a penis growing on his arm? There is no way that it grew four inches in 11 hours. I guess if I had a 2-and-a-half inch penis I could handle growing a penis on my arm for a while. Plus, the guy is from Russia so I imagine he could just wear long sleeves all of the time.

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Rules of the Shotgun Call

2005-03-22T12:55:00.000-08:00

I think that it is about time to clear up the rules of the shotgun call. Everytime we eat as a group at work, the rules come into question. So let's break it down.

Rule 1: All riders must be outside of the site of of origin before any call can be made.
Rule 2: If the source vehicle changes after all shotgun and bucket calls have been made, the calls must be re-stated. All original claims are non-transferrable.
Rule 3: There will be no use of the machine gun call (Using a rapid fire shotgun call in order to prohibit other participants from calling gun....ex. Repetitiviely calling shotgun, shotgun, shotgun)
Rule 4: All callers must use the full name of the seat position that they are calling. Abbreviated position calls are null.
Rule 5: If for any reason the owner of the source vehicle can not drive, the shotgun is defaulted to them.
Rule 6: If an occupant of the vehicle is handicapped, they are automatically granted all shotgun privileges. In the case of multiple handicapped riders, the group must decide who is considered more handicapped.

Free Promotional Codes for Online Shopping

2005-03-22T12:17:00.000-08:00

This site has promotional codes for tons of different online merchants. You should check this site out before you buy anything else online.

When Can You Start Being Cheap?

2005-03-22T11:50:00.000-08:00

While discussing dating with a friend, the topic of coupon usage came up. At what point in a relationship is it alright to use a coupon on a date. Ideally, you should be able to use one at any juncture of the relationship. Unfortunately, not all women feel that way. The use of a coupon too early along in the dating cycle can signal to some that you are cheap. As much as you may disagree, it is definitely true. However, my rule of thumb is that if a woman that I am dating is the type that would look down upon me for using a coupon, then they probably aren't the type of woman that I would want to date anyway. Unfortuantely, sometimes the thinker below the belt has another agenda. Sometimes the use of the coupon can get in the way of that agenda at which time all principle flies out the window. So I say, use those coupons as early as you want, but just remember that sometimes you might have to swallow your pride about the coupon in order to get the most bang for your buck.

How to Be Cheap

St. Patrick's Day Chicago Style

2005-03-22T11:34:00.000-08:00

Mmm... I wonder if it taste like apples?
Originally uploaded by Agent42.

How cool is the city of Chicago. They dye the Chicago River green for St. Patrick's Day. I wonder if it tastes like apples.

eBay Is Awesome!!!

2005-03-22T06:47:00.000-08:00

For any of you out there that didnt know already, eBay is awesome!!! If anything it unleashes the creative mind of our youth as shown here. Selling his body at such a young age....Stu you are so clever my man. I hope you steal the young philly's heart. Well techinically, I guess she payed you to do it.

Dr. Phil In The Fine Town of Elgin,TX - - Hilarious!!!!

2005-03-18T09:03:00.000-08:00

Dr. Phil Does Elgin, Texas

Weird Pee Guy

2005-03-15T15:15:00.000-08:00

Does this strike anybody else as odd or is just me?

So I am using the urinal at the gym the other day and this dude walks up to use the urnial next to me. Now before I continue, let me add a disclaimer to this entry. I know the rule about urinal usage. Keep your eyes on the road and things wont be weird. I always follow the rule, but this sighting occured as I was washing my hands and I accidentally saw this through the mirror. Ok....glad we got that cleared up. Moving along. So instead of the normal urniation techniques(through the zipper or over the top of the pant), this particular gentleman used the "pull the pant leg up" technique. In case you dont get it, he pulled his penis out through the pant leg of his shorts to pee. Is that normal? At first I was laughing. Then, I realized that homeboy might have some sort of catheter or something. But then, I saw another person doing it. What the hell? It is like the Seinfeld episode where everyone starts to eat their Snickers bars with a knife and fork. Except that made a little sense. This is just freakin weird. Does anybody see the benifit of this odd technique? If you do, please humor me.

A Day to Remember

2005-03-15T14:48:00.000-08:00

I dont know about anyone else, but I sure do have a difficult time remembering all of my friends' and family members' birthdays. All except one that is. I have a friend(we will keep his name anonymous) whose birthday is forever emblazoned into my memory. The story is well worth sharing.

At the tender of age of 10 or so, a boy begins to wonder about the opposite sex. He begins experiencing strange sensations in the nether regions. You know what I am talking about. Some may have a vivid enough imagination to be satisfied with the images conjured up in their head, but I needed more than that to satisfy my curiosity about the female body. I am talking about some good ol Playboy magazines. But where on earth was a young horn dog like me supposed to find such clandestined literature. Little did I know that my childhood fantasies would soon become fulfilled. While looking through his garage one day, my best friend stumbled upon the holy grail of adolescence. An entire stack of vintage Playboy magazines baby. Life has never been as glorious as it was the day that he told me of his discovery. And where were these magazines kept for safe keeping you might ask. In a leather briefcase of course. One in which only he and I shared access to. The code to the safe.....his birthday of course: 3/10. I will never forget that birthday for the rest of my life and I will never forget laying my eyes on that first beautifully naked woman. Thank you friend....you and your birthday will never be forgotten.

Lake Shore Chicago Style

2005-03-11T07:21:00.000-08:00

PICT0056
Originally uploaded by mccloskeymd.

This is probably the coolest picture that I have from my trip to Chicago. The picture was taken from the observation deck of Hancock Center.

2005-03-10T14:20:00.000-08:00

Sunday Night Football @ EspnZone in Chicago

The Best Game Ever!!!

2005-03-10T14:12:00.000-08:00

While I was in Chicago this past weekend, Mason and I discovered one of the best kept secrets of all times....The Sunday Night Football toss. The game consists of two moving "receivers" with holes in their chests, into which you are to throw as many footballs as possible in 2 minutes. It was a two player game, so Mason and I quickly became entrenched in a quarterback challenge for the ages. I still feel that I am the better quarterback, but Mason did take me down according to the game's score. That was round 1. It didnt take us long to scrounge up another $25 to play with. Round 2 ended in a draw and both of us complaining of injured rotator cuffs. Well worth it!!!

Tired of Thinking

2005-03-06T23:25:00.000-08:00

Here I am in the great city of Chicago, at one of the coolest musuems I have ever been to, and I cant for the life of me make myself read any of the displays or study any of the pieces. Damn...I am just tired of thinking. I have been absorbing information all damn day long and my tired brain needs a rest. But there is so much more to see. So much more to learn. When is the next time I will be at this musuem? When is the next time that I will get to see the unique art of plastination? Probably not for a very long time. But somehow, I find it alright to walk around in a state of mental numbness. Not really taking anything in. More like me staring at things, but not registering anything about the object in my sight. Looking at the words that make up the description of the piece even though I wouldnt be able to tell you a damn thing about what I had just "read" if you asked me. Ha. What does it take to keep a train of thought? You could tell me, but I probably wouldnt remember what you said. Ah....screw it......I am crazy.