Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I Was Just Visually Assaulted

I met this cute girl a little while back and decided that we should go out on a date. Being new to Dallas, I decided that it would be a good idea to ask a friend for some advice on choosing a good place to go. He reccommended a little gelato cafe in uptown Dallas. He told me that they served really good sandwhiches and that they brought your food out to you in lunch boxes. Sounded cool to me. So I immediately scheduled the date and began to look for directions online. The results from my Google search should have been my first indicator about the type of establishment that this cafe was. Like 5 of the top 10 results had the words "gay" and "hotspot" in them. Not only was the cafe ridiculously gay, but so was the entire street that it was on. I have never seen so many gay men in one place in my entire life. To make things worse, my date was late. To make things even worse than that, it was a date, so I naturally looked pretty good in my attire. Talk about a recipe for disaster. I have never felt so abused in my life. Every man and his boyfriend thought I was one fine piece. I was getting stares from every direction. Mouths were dropping, heads were turning, and I could feel my clothes being removed by all of their eyes. After telling my date to hurry up over the phone, I decided to get out of the neighborhood until she got there. I made a straight shot to the nearest Walgreens and chilled around the parking lot until she got there at which time I ventured back into the danger zone. Granted, the food was pretty good and the cafe was neat, but I have to say I felt pretty freakin used up by the time the night was over. Dont get me wrong, I dont blame anybody for checkin out this fine piece, but I have to draw the line somewhere. Needless to say, my buddy got an earful the next day at work. Not really a bitching out, more of an exclamated recap of the prior evening's events. Well, all in all, it provided for a great story and my date seemed to think it was hilarious. I also think that she thought I was gay, but shoot, I would have thought the same thing. Anyway, I am healed from the visual assault that took place that night and next time I go asking for advice on date locales, I think I will ask around a little more.

10 Comments:

Blogger Angie said...

I don't really know what to say to this...mainly because I've never been to an establishment of that sort in which I felt so completely uncomfortable with my sexuality that I had to go outside to wait for my date...other than that, I'd have to say...NEXT TIME check the location out and ask people around here...anything in the "oaklawn, even some uptown places" are questionable...Could of been worse right?!!! ha ha ha ha ha....

10:04 AM  
Blogger Mikey-D said...

"uncomfortable with my sexuality"....what the hell is that supposed to mean. I dont think I could be any more comforatable with my sexuality. You could be the straightest man alive and feel werid there. Bad phrasing or sly comment Miss Angie?

10:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ok, this was the funniest date I have ever been on. If only you had been in my spot...it was a hilarious sight watching these gay men's jaws drop (literally, jaws dropping to the floor) as you walked into the cafe. Hey at least you know you always have options, right? JUST KIDDING...

10:15 AM  
Anonymous Charlie said...

What can I say? Typical male thinking everyone's checkin' him out. My gosh, could we be any more convinced?

3:02 PM  
Anonymous Ethan said...

Just for the record, I warned you beforehand... don't blame me because you underestimated the ambience. In fact, I think the discomfort had more to do with a "curiosity" you don't want to admit than anything else -- ha ha!

7:47 PM  
Blogger Angie said...

Ethan might have you pegged!!!! lol

10:21 PM  
Blogger Mikey-D said...

I will admit that Ethan did warn me about the area of town that I was venturing into. I guess I did underestimate the "ambience" as well. As far as his "curiosity" claims go however, now that is just ridiculous. If I was curious about my sex appeal amongst a purely homosexual crowd I would have just asked Ethan what he thought of me. You may be in Tokyo buddy, but you are never too far away to get burned. Ohhhhhh.

5:57 AM  
Anonymous matt said...

Ethan - "don't blame me because you underestimated the ambience."

classic ethan, classic.

Mike-D - "To make things even worse than that, it was a date, so I naturally looked pretty good in my attire."

So are you trying to say that you looked even more "metro" than usual? Hard to imagine, but that is probably the source of your problem. You already give off a questionable vibe in normal attire, so who knows what would happen when you "metro" it up.

9:09 AM  
Blogger Mikey-D said...

Berg, in the words of a wise man: "Dont hate tha playa, hate tha game." My metro look may put a question mark into your head, but make no mistake, when it comes to the ladies, it is like opening a box of cheerios....all I see is oooooooo........ooooooooooo.....you know what I am saying......oooooooo.

9:19 AM  
Blogger Angie said...

WOW, Mike, you're so full of yourself...you ain't a player, you ain't even a balla! tee he he... I'm with Matt on this one!!! Holla!

11:52 AM  

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